Donald Trump by DonkeyHotey
When the news broke that the United states had killed Osama bin Laden, Gary Busey was undoubtedly in the middle of an angry tirade about bees or loafers.
The announcement could not have come at a worse time – the middle of Donald Trump’s “The Celebrity Apprentice.” Not to be outdone by the news cycle, The Donald is forcing his way into the Osama bin Laden story by demanding an apology from the President and the release of bin Laden’s long form death certificate.
It was late Sunday night that every network broke in to cover the imminent news that the United States, likely in the middle of a White Castle run, had stopped by Osama’s house to have a talk. The talk did not go well as bin Laden was already in a bad mood as he was pulling for Casey Abrams to win American Idol before he was eliminated earlier in the week.
It was not long before bin Laden himself went the way of Abrams’ Idol career.
As the news cut away, Donald Trump was admiring how good his hair looked on television from his Trump Cave, a 60-bedroom home designed to be an exact replica of The Death Star. “Donald was furious,” said his wife Melania in a broken Slovenian accent, “when he saw Obama he said ‘who does this guy think he is?’ and hurled our five-year-old son at the TV.”
This past Monday, Trump held a press conference at Ground Zero to make sure his side was heard. Donald claimed that the bin Laden attack was intentionally done on a Sunday night to take away Trump’s viewers.
“The President knows what he did,” Trump said as a couple of birds began to nest in his hair, “and I will not rest until he personally apologizes to me for carrying out important missions in the middle of the most important show in the history of shows.”
Trump did not stop there.
“How do we even know we killed the right bin Laden?” Trump continued, “All I am saying is – where is the long form death certificate? I have personal spies in Pakistan right now and the things they are telling me you would not believe.”
This was no surprise to reporters who had just seen him refuse a beef taco at Taco Bell because the 17-year-old behind the counter could not provide a birth certificate for the cow.
Had he been president, Trump claims that he would have “gotten bin Laden my first week in office.” This is not unlikely, after all, Trump is the one who was renting Osama the mansion he was staying in.
Experts behind the scenes believe the real reason Trump has demanded an apology is that his company was in serious negotiations with bin Laden to appear on Celebrity Apprentice 6, also set to feature huge stars like Balloon Boy’s dad and LeBron James’ limo driver.
With bin Laden having been preemptively fired, NBC has lost a sure ratings hit and a man NBC CEO Steve Burke calls a “close and dear friend.”
Photo by DonkeyHotey
